Red & Purple

For some reason on the train ride home today, my mind got onto the subject of colors. Or more specifically, what those colors mean to me. I got really stuck on purple and red. Not because I couldn't figure out what they mean, but because I found so much meaning inside of them. In a way, they're incredibly similar. They're both very deep, powerful colors that tend to be associated with power. But on another level, they're incredibly different. Purple to me represents calm, confident power. Royalty, even. Whereas red has this very internally violent, imploding kind of power. I'm really not sure where I get these associations from, they just kind of come to me. What makes it even weirder is that the next show I'm working on is called "Red" and really supports my view of the color.

What I think I like about this interpretation though is the metaphorical tension the two have when mashed together. A calm, confident power and a violent, angry power come from very different places and result in very different attitudes. And when you mash them together, you get, well you get me, in a way. While that might sound a bit weird, let me explain. At this point in my life, I still haven't quite got it all figured out. I think I've got most of it, but there's still always some nagging doubt...
The result of that doubt is that most of the time, I am able to hold myself with the calm confidence of purple. I know what I'm doing, and I'm mostly doing things right. But every once in a while, when I give myself a bit too much room to think, that little voice comes on and asks "Do you really know what you're doing? Are you really doing everything right?" and as much as I KNOW the answer to both of those is at least mostly yes, something in my mind prevents me from believing it at that moment.

So yeah, that's what's been on my mind. Sometimes I think that I think too much.